I never knew that loving someone requires great amount of courage.
Amak, yut kangen.
I’m scared about the future. Don’t you?
Where do you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
Kak, I just learn something. You’re not mine. You never were and you never will. Even if we will be united in the future, you still won’t be mine. Because He’s the one that have absolute claim of you. And who am I to decide not to let go, when you’re not mine in the very first place? Who am I to demand to Him that you must be with me just because I love you so much?
Everybody has their own devil. I often looked down to people who easily corrupted by the sight of money, or wealth. But now, I feel I’m just the same. Except, my devil is the people I love. First, Amak. Then, Apak. Then Pak Ne, etc. I couldn’t let them go for a very long time. I finally made peace with Amak gone just recently.
And now, you.
I can’t help loving you, Kak. But maybe I can let you go. I’ll try my best. You’re not mine. You’re His and His alone. And who am I to cry when He doesn’t wanna share you with me?
I’m scared if you’ve given up on me, Kak. Like so many times.
Please don’t. I’m still waiting.
I don’t know until when.
Aku pengen curhat :’3
Aku kangeeeen :3
I miss a feeling of a home. I go back to where I felt it before. I searched everywhere and I can’t find it.
Can you guess why?
I still can’t stand to listen to certain songs. But people keep playing it with, beside, to me.