Yeah, marriage. Can you Imagine I write about this topic? I don’t even graduate yet, and I’m already talking about it now. I’m just like, “Wow, Nai! I’m really… speechless.”

I’ve been thinking about this “marriage” lately. Maybe because how much wedding invitation I got on Facebook. But why now? I absolutely got an invitation before. Yeah, that’s true, but the different thing this time is this invitation come from my coeval friends. Some of it was from senior of course, but they’re not more than five years than me.

Well, marriage for me is a very very big step in life. I just can’t understand why one person decide to spend his/her entire life with just one other person, who was stranger. Okay, they are not stranger anymore, but, again, how can you be so sure? After, what, like 5 or 7 years, in average, since you first met. For special cases, there are couples who were childhood friends (or know each other more than 10 years before marriage) and there are couples who were college or coworkers or even complete stranger who know each other for less than 5 years. And there are even less than 2 years. Less than a year! I can understand childhood couple’s cases but the next one? The stranger couples? I don’t think so.

When I began questioning, usually for the second case couples, I got answers like, “When it’s right, it’s right!” or “I just know that s/he is the one” or “We’re in love” or “We know that we were made for each other”. And I’m like “What?”. I mean, that’s the most obscure thing I’ve ever heard. It’s so sentimental. And what make you so sure that s/he is the right one? You just know each other for less than five years! And there’s no rational evident to proof your reason. And when you realize that s/he is not the one, then what? Divorce? It’s okay when you don’t have kids. But when you do? Is that so easy for people to marry and divorce and marry and divorce again?

I’m an agreeable person. I mean I’m not complaining so much. I live in poor country and my family is an below average income family. We even can’t afford my college tuition. I pay my tuition with scholarship money. You can imagine how not glamorous my life style is. I usually look at something for what it can be used. I cross check my needs and my fund, and I’m not complaining. If I can’t afford something, then I’ll find other thing that can replace it. Or make it my self, if I can. But for something that I can achieve, for what I’m sure I have a chance, I put very high standard on my self. Like when I decided where college to go, I chose the best college for science, art and technology in this country. And I got in. And the same goes to husband.

I don’t have divorce issue in my family, if you’re wondering. Although, I did lost my mom when I was eight due to complication of several diseases. But I’m not a marriage-phobia. I just want everything to be perfect, if it can be. If I can push it to be perfect, if I have choices. Marriage for me is a big deal, a life time deal. I just want to be sure that I won’t be making wrong choice. Damn, that person will accompany you for a life time, dude! It’s sure you will get bored one time. And I’m pretty easy to get bored. And that what scare me. And that what am I wondering to the second case couples. Does this question never pop up in their mind?

I read a post about marriage that said marriage is not about you and your happiness, it’s about your partner and their happiness. You marry someone when you’re really sure want to make them happy, not the other way around. Maybe this thing that make me have a pathetic way of looking on marriage. I’m still thinking about me, what is the advantage for me, what are they offering me, and so on. I know I am an egoistical person, haha. That’s because I’m smart. Smart people tend to be egoist, hehe. But, I don’t think I will change that part of me and I feel marriage doesn’t suit me. But I don’t wanna have life style that have no commitment, like American’s and European life style. I’m way too religious than them. Not a fanatic one, but still.

Obviously, I wanna get married someday. But will I survive? Or will I just surrender by social norm? I don’t know. I have no idea.